Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there's paper in my vomit.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
