New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
