My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
