apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
