I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
