Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
