During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
