:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
