I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
