census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize