She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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