She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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