when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i love accidental penises.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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