69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
