just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
this will be a night to untag.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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