there's paper in my vomit.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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