a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
