Me too!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize