I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Still dying that you shit outside
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
