I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
