Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
