swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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