Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
