My hand turned me down
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
