Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
