Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Drake has all the answers
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
