sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
