i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
