Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
