she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
