she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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