Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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