I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
