so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize