I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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