I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You can't motorboat a personality
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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