Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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