ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
