Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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