Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
