Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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