so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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