Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize