you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
