ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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