In the future we'll all be gay
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
