remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
