Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
