we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
