Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
