Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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