Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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