Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
