There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize