you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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