This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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