You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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