Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize