I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
