i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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