youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
