I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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