sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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