My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
