remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
