using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
