Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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