drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
