I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
