I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
