remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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