Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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