I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
