I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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