Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize