We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
