Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
