Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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