I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
