You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
